At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
