I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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