she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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