My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
