whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
