i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
