Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
