I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
