2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.