if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you