he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
