I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets