i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire