I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.