im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
