I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
