Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
