would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We left the knife in your bed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
