ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
