I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
