I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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