I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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