You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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