too bad you live with your parents still
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i believe in u and ur pee
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
