My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
