Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
