Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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