Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
