I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just threw up on my dentist
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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