and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
tell me about the eggs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
