would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
