Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
