Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
