omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
barbara walters just said penis...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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