First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize