I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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