i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
