I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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