Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
