at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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