Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
