Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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