the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
