i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
