____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
