Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry lilwaynesimmonds hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(214): View more from Texas

I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process

Fav 10 824 4911
share tweet
(909): View more from California

I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.

Fav 22 3651 903
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(770): View more from Georgia

if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?

Fav 53 1522 12809
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

Fav 11 6570 1460
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

Fav 4 991 813
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.

Fav 6 946 778
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

Fav 0 909 1526
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.

Fav 0 11 60
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(250): View more from British Columbia

I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.

Fav 0 68 30
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT