this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
