Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
