I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
