pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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