just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
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I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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