Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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