Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just high enough for therapy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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