Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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