She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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