Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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