remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They took my balls.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
