My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
