Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
