Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
