My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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