i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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