Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
