That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
