Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He passed out mid-signature
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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