dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
