I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize