I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
should my penis look like a turkey
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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